You Have Couture Taste, But NOT The Body to Match

Posted On March 12, 2009

Filed under Wedding Dress Shopping

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Propelled by another bridal show coupon I went to visit Bridal Exclusives, much to the protest of one of my bridesmaids. She told me horror stories of being fitted there as a flower girl, but that was 10 year ago I told myself. Things have changed. I was mistaken. She has agreed not to tell me, she told me, but instead say she is SHOCKED by the horrific service.

I had an appointment, but when I walked in I was ignored and had to force the girl on the phone to actually acknowledge me. This was done, by my mom, my MOH and me staring at her (politely of course) She then told me my sales assistant would be with me shortly and to choose dresses I liked. Then in swooped another sales assistant and took all the dresses I’d chosen, in my size for another girl.  I … umm.. just chose those, but I had no assistance so I was SPAM to her.

My sales assistant greeted us and asked what I liked. As I told her I love mermaid, vintage, ballgown, a-line, sweetheart necks, details, but really I am open to learning and trying on anything, except I am not a particular fan of taffeta and would rather stick with softer fabrics.

The wedding dress daggers shot from her eyes and she spat out “YOU DON’T LIKE TAFFETA”

“No, it’s not my fabric fabric.”

Jordyn then ran her arms down the bags of hanging dresses and said well then CUT OUT 90% of these dresses cause they’re all taffeta.

“I’m not saying I’m completely closed out, I am mearly stating a preference”

Jordyn didn’t like this answer and told me to chose 5 dresses of different skirt styles. I started choosing…

“NO, that is empire waist and dropped wait but both of them are A-line ONLY ONE A-line”

I was so defeated, and my MOH looked like she’d kill her. We went into the back to my room. This wasn’t a room this was two closets  with a mirror in between them you shared. Your guests, and the girl who was in the other room (the dress stealing girl- well her sales girl) sitting on benches. Like an audience to the both of you.

As the first dress was barely over my head and the closet door couldn’t shut to give me any privacy, Jordyn announced that this was NEVER going to fit me and I was definately going to need the BIGGER SIZES and we’d have to share with the other girl. Who’s mother was shouting out comments and directions from peanut gallery. My dear MOH was warm and totally caught up in the other girl and couldn’t concentrate on a dang thing.

The other mother yelled, tell everyone how you two are living in sin Landa or MAYBE about how he has babies already or MAYBE how you’ve never met his family or MAYBE how you met on the INTERNET. Oh lord, I was so embrassed for her, could her mom please shut uP!!!

We finally borrow one of the fat girl dresses, but that’s it MOH is in a horrendous mood and hates every dress I try on and we cannot help but all 3 be completely distracted by the other girl’s shouting peanut gallery, and waiting for her to try on dresses so I can is awkward.

Finally, Jordyn announces I think you’ve already found a dress and there is nothing here for you. Anyways you have a average body and couture taste. You’ll never be happy with a wedding dress! She then walks away leaving me in bra and crinolin to stare.

I got dressed and we left. But don’t worry my bridesmaid will never say “I t0ld you so!”

It was REALLY hot in there, we were all fanning ourselves, and it was barely 32 degrees out in January


Land of the Tiny Brides

Posted On March 10, 2009

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My second adventure in wedding dress shopping.

Going through the magazines makes you fall in love with designers San Patrick, Provincia, they had designs that I lusted after. I also was dreaming of a pale pink wedding dress. Something that just completely screamed ME!!

Whenever I looked at this list of designers, one bridal store kept re-appearing. Tres Fabu Bridal. Well now doesn’t that sound fancy, and it looked positively adorable. My mom and I had even seen their booth at the Portland Bridal show. Where the owner tempted us with wine to come in on a Friday evening. So, my mom and I adventured after work one stormy January evening to Tres Fabu (it was also a place that didn’t insist on appointments, so whimsy was allowed)

I was greeted and handed 6 yellow clothespins and told I could start with 6 dresses and to clip those on dresses I liked. As I started wandering, every dress was tiny, and not like average like itty bitty. As I walked around in a sea of dresses no bigger then a bridal 10/12 I started to stop looking at the dresses and my mom and I hunted for anything that was even a 14/16 I told me mom we were leaving. She said they wouldn’t let you try on dresses, and that’s when we found a 16, 18, and a 22!! I wasn’t thrilled about the dresses but figured they may fit me. Then I decided to choose 3 dresses I liked and would see squinched on me…the sales girl chose a favorite.

I went into a lil 4 curtain sided room while my mom perched on a toadstool in the corner while another woman and her husband sat on a giant couch drinking wine. May I say we haven’t been handed wine, or offered it?!

They offer me a strapless bra but when I say the letter D, let alone the multiple version the girl looks shocked, like I just said Triple H! She says she’ll grab the biggest they have. She returns with a 32B. I toss it on the ground and laugh, when I was 10! Hope as we’ll call her, tells me we’re going without one then and decided on the satin number that’s a 22, which may I tell you was more like a 16 and fit my like a glove.

I have no idea the designer but it resembled this the closest.


My mom thought it was gorgeous as did I, I felt very royal and beautiful. But I stood up so straight in that heavy satin and didn’t look comfortable. Nor did I feel it.

Next to one of the fun dresses, but dress #1 was definitely a contender. I love dresses with a bunch of fluff at the bottom, what resembles curled ribbons, so I slid this on.


Well first of all I don’t have a drop waist body and those ruffles projected out from my hips. Noooot sexy.

Seeing that I love all things vintage I thought maybe an all lace number


was really the way to go…umm yeah no skin tight lace number unless I wanna look like a lace sausage casing. Now I know in a bigger size it would be different, but when you put this on for the first time and your intifada reaction is *AHHHH* you don’t want it ever in any size!!

When I walked out in this dress

Private Label

I took a deep breath, felt comfortable. And didn’t for one minute think that wasn’t “in it” I felt like a snow princes. I love the billowy back and the bubble hem. But the nearly $1k price tag kept me at bay. That and there was a weird vibe I was getting about that place. But I’d actually tried on a dress I could see myself getting married in and I was thrilled.

As we left that Friday night, I really thought I’d be back to buy that dress. But I looked at the BBB and saw a rating of F and read Citysearch that showed over 100 negative reviews, there were also local news stories on this place screwing over brides.  Sadly, they closed down Februay 20th with no notice, and there are many brides trying to figure out how to get their dresses, and their bridesmaids. 😦

Drive Thru Sequins and Corset Bras

Oh dress shopping. To be quite honest, I dreaded it. Putting on a white and/or ivory dress and prancing around. Just doesn’t sound like my idea of fun. But the more I looked at these dresses, and talked to my friends I got excited to try this out.

At my first bridal show David’s Bridal was offering $50 gift cards if you made an appointment. What the hell! I didn’t want anything to do with what I felt was the Target of bridal dresses. But deep down a piece of me hoped I’d find the perfect dress for a ridiculously awesome price there, and be done.

Weeks later, my appointment arrived and off went my mom and I. We weren’t greeted when we arrived 10min early, but instead barked at “Do you have an appointment?” Why yes I do! I smiled. So proud to be able to say this for once. (Being a bridesmaid I’d never had a friend make an appointment at a DB but instead just show up) She asked for my name and told me straight up NO YOU DON’T, ads she cocked her head to the side like I told YOU!

I whipped out the appointment/gift card and handed it to her. Oh…?! Where did you get this?!
A bridal show in vancouver….
From Who?!?!
Someone I assumed was a DB sales rep….
Oh…well I’ll put you in at 7:30pm here is a catalog, we’ll try to get you in earlier.

I should note it was 5:50pm, and I was all umm excuse me, but you made the mistake so why are these walk-ins getting in before me.

because TECH-NICALLY you didn’t have an appointment. Sassy McI Have a Tape Measure Around my neck swished off.

My mom gave me a look, like she was going to go yell at that woman. Which is a bit disconcerting since my mom is probably the sweetest pea you’ll ever meet. But seeing as she’s worked in customer service for many years, she doesn’t tolerate shotty customer service well.

Eventually, I stepped up and got real terse with the woman and suddenly my helper should arrive.
I told her style numbers of all the dresses I loved online, I pointed out pictures in the catalog I’d been handed, and pointed out ones on the rack.

After getting into the corset bra of unflattering doom and my sexy full coverage, non-ass baring panties. I awaited the first dress with anticipation. The 5 foot, 80lb Okasana Byul imitation yanked out the first white sequined monstrasity.


She zips me in and I go out for my mom. My mom’s expression doesn’t move, I’m like soo…. she’s all you chose that?! Oksana pipes in OH NO NO I thought this would be what she likes.

My mom’s like yeah let’s try another. I whole heatedly agree!! I swish back to that lil tiny room to be de-clothed again.

Now I have 2 girls and a husband sharing my lil dressing room area trying on bridesmaid dresses with the husband giving input. For the love, I am in a not so flattering semi-nude state, but does anyone care…nope. I get another satin frock thrown over my head.

Now this was the dress I’d loved|-49998998|-49998996&catentryId=1000102 it seemed so simple so modern. When on it was simply a satin lump with my breasts in full frontal attention….NEXT|-49998998|-49995489&catentryId=1000230
I stop the associate and explain again my wedding, my vision, how I want something fun, something unique. Not temple ready, but really just ME! She looks with a gleam in her eye and runs off for the next one.

She tries|-49998998|-49995489&catentryId=1000224

then this…|-49998998|-49995489&catentryId=1000223

I explain again this isn’t a summer wedding

She refuses to bring me this one, saying it’s not available in my size. EVER!|-49998998|-49995489&catentryId=1000125

Finally, I gave up on this dress. Told her it was great, and it was the only one I enjoyed myself in. But then the fast talk started. Oh it may be gone tomorrow, the designer might discontinue it and can you stand living without it forever. Yes, please let me out of it. Oh close your eyes and imagine yourself walking down the aisle in it.
This was the first dress trip, and started me with the feeling that this fluffy girl wasn’t going to have the easiest road to finding a dress.